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Happy Bakra Eid

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In a divorce court a woman requested the judge:
“Your honor, I want to divorce my husband.”
“But why ?” asked the judge.
She replied, “Because he is not faithful to me.”
The judge asked, “How do you know ?”
She replied, “My lord, not a single child resembles him.”
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Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I’d be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man’s arms. Why, Dad ? Tell me why!”
Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, “Maybe, Son, she didn’t get the fax.”
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A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, “When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it’s all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking.”
“Why complain?” said the counselor. “You’re still getting the same service!”
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One woman told another : “My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?”
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A man was telling his friends, “When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares to answer her.”
One of his friends asked.”And when you are angry, what do you do?”
The man replied, “I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer back.
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A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came
home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. “Take my advice,” said the neighbour, “and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o’clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: “Is that you, Jim?” And that cured him.
“Cured him !” asked the woman, “but how?”
The neighbour said, “You see, his name is Bill.”
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“You looked troubled,” I told my friend, “what’s your problem?”
He replied, “I’m going to be a father.”
“But that’s wonderful,” I said.
“What’s wonderful? My wife doesn’t know about it yet.

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Parishaan thi Chintu ki wife
Non-happening thi jo us ki life
Chintu ko na milta tha Aaram
Office main kerta kaam hi kaam

Chintu ke boss bhi thay baray cool
Promotion ko her bar jatat thay bhool
Per bhooltay nahi the woh deadline
Kaam to kerwatay thay roze till nine

Chintu bhi banna chahta tha best
Is liye to woh nahi kerta tha rest
Din raat kerta woh boss ki ghulami
Onsite ki umeed main deta salami

Din ghuzray aur ghuzray phir saal
Bura hota gaya Chintu ka haal
Chintu ko ab kuch yaad na rehta tha
Ghalti say Biwi ko Behenji kehta tha

Aakhir Aik din Chintu ko samajh aaya
Aur chorde di usne Onsite ki moh maya
Boss se bola, “Tum kion satatay ho ?”
“Onsite ke laddu say bhuddu banatay ho”

“Promotion do werna chala jaoon ga”
“Onsite dainay per bhi wapis na Aoon ga”
Boss hanas ke bola “Nahi koi baat”
“Abhi aur bhi Chintus hain mairay paas”

“Yeah duniya Chintuoon say bhari hai”
“Sab ko bas aage barhnay ki pari hai”
“Tum na kero gay to kisi aur say kerwaoon ga”
“Tumhary tarah Aik aur Chintu banoon ga”

( Learn From This And “WAKE UP” You All Chintussss)

________________

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Hajjam:

Chehray Pe Mairay Zulf Ko Bikhrao Kisi Din

Doctor:

Akhir Is Durd Ki Duwa Kiya Hai?

suniyara:

Kash Main Tairay Haseen Hath Ka Kangun Hota

Wakeel:

Wo Qadum Qadum Pe Jeetay, Main Qadum Pe Hara

Choki Daar:

Tooti Hai Mairy Neend Mager Tumko Is Se Kiya?

Maali:

Suna Hai Bolay To Batoon Se Phool Jhara Kertay Hain

Police:

Main Qatul Huwaa Kaisay Mairay Yaar Se Pocho

Driver:

Bara Qathan Hai Rasta Jo Aa Sako To Sath Do.

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“Indian Ashiq Ka Love Letter “

When i am your : Kareeb

There is only : Khamoshi

I want to speak : Dil se

that’s my kind of : Ishq

i want this to be : Gupt

as i always have : Darr

that i will loose you : Sajani

and that would be great : Sadma

i am your : Mr.aashique

but sometimes bit : Deewana

tell me : Hum aapke hain kaun

as i feel : Kuch kuch hota hai

in this : Duniya dilwalon ki

i told you : Maine pyar kiya

Maybe : Dil to pagal hai

because : Jab pyar kisise hota hai

the whole world appears as : Dushman

but anyway : Pyar to hona hi tha

but u must know: Pyaar koi khail nahi

but if u want to become : Dulhan dilwale ki

then u must respond To this : Pukaar

And don’t mind because this is my: Style

i hope your answer is : Yes boss

And if u say no then i know life is: Kabhi khushi kabhi gham

i don’t know what will b my: Anjaam

________________________________________________

“Mehbooba Ka Reply”

Thank you for your love letter. However I feel “Hud Ker De Aapne” for “Hum Aapke Hai Kaun“? “Dil Chahta Hai” I should tell you I think you`re a “Jaanwar” and a “Shree 420“! I have to tell you I know your “Mohabatein” are false. Who gave you the right to think you`re my “Sajaan” and I`m your ” Chandini“. How dare you look at me you “Coolie No1“! If you were here in front of me I`d hit you with my chapple so hard your head will spin with these “Yaadein“. You said “Kuch Kuch Hota Hai” every time you think of me. But I know you feel “Haseena Maan Jayegee” to every girl you see. “Ram Jaane” what I`ll do to you if I catch you. If you have any “Khauf” you will feel “Durr” from me. You`re a “Kunwara” leading a “Rangeela” lifestyle, with friends saying “Chal Merey Bhai“. Spending all your nights on the “Sarak“. I`m sure the “Sholay” in your heart you say burn for me. Is nothing but indigestion from too much eating and drinking! Describing yourself as “Baadshah“, and “Himmutvar“, you sound like a “Jungli” to me. You say you want to make me your “Biwi No1” however I say you lack “Insaniyaat“! I can`t believe you think I`ll turn to you and say “Kaho Na Pyar Hai“! I`d much rather kiss a “Bichoo” than go near you! Any of “Amer Akbar Anthony” would be better suited to me than you. “Dil Wale Dhunyah Ley Jayengey” you said, but I say your “Dil to Pagal Hai“! Don`t` you realise that “Andaz Apnna Appna” and that their can`t be no “Rishta” between us. We are like a “Mohra” in the game of life. And it`s always “Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham“. The open “Fiza” with its changing weather is testament to that. So please leave it as “Akeelay Hum Akkeelay Tum“. Besides I`m already engaged to a guy with “Roti Kapra Aur Makaan“. And he`s no “Khal Nayak” like you. He`s my real “Hero“. My real “Jivan Saathi“. And with him I really know “Yeah Raaste Hai Payar Ka“. And there can be no space in my “Zindagi” for anyone but him. You`ll only end up causing an “Aflatoon”, because he,s a “Major Sahib” in the Army working on the “Border” and he`ll kill you if he finds out.
So save yourself from becoming the foundations of a “Deewar” and leave me alone.

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